Out of Control

I'm sitting here in the dining room of the TLC, taking advantage of the wifi and waiting on my load in the wash. Alexandra taught me how to make borscht today, so the smell of that is wafting into the room. Josh is at the soccer field with the boys. I'm getting the play by play via cell phone from time to time. It sounds like a pretty good day, and I am blessed for sure, but I spent the first hour of my morning in tears. I'm loving every minute that I get to spend with these boys and they are opening up and accepting us so nicely...BUT...I miss my bio babies like crazy and I'm ready to go HOME. Ideally, we would've received news that court will be held tomorrow (as originally planned), but this morning Nina told us that the earliest we would get our paperwork back would be tomorrow and that doesn't give Denis enough time to get to Mariupol with it. It's New Years this weekend, and the courts will be closed Monday, as well. So that leaves us hoping for Tuesday, January 3. If I had known it would take this long, perhaps I would've come back to America. I don't know. Maybe not. It would've been a tight turn around and very expensive. I am also reminded of what I would've missed. I would've missed the "getting to know you" moments that I will forever cherish in my heart. God's timing is perfect- and as hard as it is for this type A girl to admit, I am thankful that I am NOT in control. Our American boys seem to be doing very well, but I know that this has got to be weighing on them heavily. I am having to learn to trust God with that, too.
I don't want to bum you out here, but adoption is HARD. It's also the best thing I've ever experienced. It's a lot like giving birth. I'm sure I'll walk away only remembering the happy ending, but for now, I'm stuck with no epidural and no end to the contractions in sight.
Maybe the best thing to do is to focus on the blessings in the wait. I could go on for hours about those. Sometimes, it's difficult to believe how beautiful it all is. It's like I'm in a movie or something. Yesterday, my favorite line in the "script" was: "Mama want tea or coffee?" Neither, but please ask again...and often. We took the boys to the Shocktar stadium in Donetsk (their favorite soccer team). They had never been before. We paid for a tour of the stadium and they got to sit in the locker room, touch the field, sit in the players seats and run through the players tunnel! It was amazing and such a blessing to give them those moments. Our good friend Pasha was our "tour guide", translator and companion for the day. It was a lot of fun! Staying busy helps me focus on the boys I have access to and not pine too much for the ones I don't.
Thank you for praying for our family and for the encouraging words. One day, this will all be a memory. For now, we are living in the moment and waiting on God to finish what He started in our hearts.