In the Thick of it

No energy to write an essay this morning. We are in the thick of it. Public school for the first time in four years. First time football player from Ukraine. Three boys in soccer. One in LEGO First League. One playing legos. Fifteen students in my home studio. Hubby's taking classes for his doctorate at OU. Translating homework, expectations and emotions. Art commissions for Josh. Mission trip fund raising. Lack of sleep. Loads of prayer. Would appreciate being added to your prayer list. We knew this would not be easy. We were not stupid enough to think otherwise. Would love to be covered in prayer instead of looked at like a freak. Sometimes I think people don't know what to make of us, so they just ignore us altogether. Faith means stepping out on a path you're unsure of, trusting that God will provide. I've never once before in my life stepped out in faith like this. It is not easy and it would be lovely to know that we have a cheering section behind us. Successful moments for sure. Disheartening moments, too. Learning the meaning of the words, "His grace is sufficient." Getting beyond the drama of today and leaning on the hope of tomorrow.

Summer Update

It's Friday the 13th, but I'm not scared. Living with four boys, I've seen it all. Here we are, nearly six months into our new family, and I can say with confidence that the "we" we were is slowly disappearing. Noah used to hesitate when referring to his brothers as his brothers. Yesterday, it rolled off his tongue at the eye doctor. "My brother Andrey likes to play that game." It seemed so natural. So does the arguing. Levi and Andrey got into it last night because one of them said the other was playing "like a girl." The wii fell to the floor, alerting Mom and Dad. "I got this," Josh said as he slid off the bed and into the living room, casually. There used to be a lot of stress whenever an argument would begin because we all didn't know one another too well and we weren't sure what each others reactions would be. Now we are more comfortable to let down our guards and just figure it out. There were only three boys home for the evening as Ruslan was "out with the guys"...again. Having a teenager is new for this family. The first few times he went out I felt like I was holding my breath until he came back. Now it feels routine. I am forever grateful that we have a community who has embraced Ruslan. He is fitting in as I never imagined he could, so early into this adjustment. He finished summer school English and did very well, for a first American classroom experience with NO ESL support. Now, he's working out three mornings a week with the football team. He hopes to be the kicker and possibly a running back. In a week, he'll go on a trip with our youth group to Colorado to climb mountains. I think he may have climbed a bigger mountain than anyone on that trip just by making the decision to join our family. I am so very impressed with him. So very proud. Andrey is having a busy summer, as well. First, he attending a three day basketball clinic at the high school. He wasn't crazy about it, but it got him out of the house. Then, my parents paid for he and Levi to attend a week long soccer camp in Texas. They stayed with Grammy and Grandpa, where Andrey had the chance to get to know them better. Grandparents are such a blessing! After soccer camp, he had one day to rest and then it was off to Camp J.A.M. with Levi and many other kids from our church. He's never one to admit having a good time, but I think he did. He at least enjoyed swimming, which he begs to do every day. Then we took a trip to Texas where they were finally able to meet and get to know my brother Steve and his wife Sarah. I stood there watching Andrey interact with them and the dogs in amazement. Here was this kid who could hardly say hello when first he came to America. Now he is open enough to show his true personality on the first day of our visit. It brings tears to my eyes to know he's feeling that comfortable. Next week, he'll attend Chickasaw language camp with Josh and a few weeks later, he'll have another soccer camp here in Ada, at which Ruslan will be coaching. Levi and Noah have been busy as well with various camps and time with Grandparents. Mom and Dad keep busy getting them to and from all of these opportunities...and cleaning up the messes and typical sibling arguments in between. We have definitely had our moments this summer, as we are all still adjusting. I'm just happy to say that they are fewer and farther between, that we feel more equipped to deal with them now and that we are no longer allowing them to control our emotions. I am so grateful for the progress we have made. God is faithfully guiding us through this thing. That doesn't mean it's easy. We very much need your prayers and encouragement. Thank you to those of you who check on us regularly and include us in your prayers. You have no idea how much it means. We are forever grateful for your support.

There is a Ghost in our House

The journey of adoption requires flexibility...in fact, sometimes I feel like I'm walking through life, bent over backwards. It's like saying hello to what you want while simultaneously saying good-bye to what you had. There is a ghost in our house. A ghost of the family we used to be. And sometimes it haunts me. Four years ago, we made the decision to home school Levi (for many reasons, to varied to mention). It was not something I ever imagined doing...and yet I found myself teaching the third grade...and learning more about my son than I ever knew before. When Noah became school age, I had the honor of hearing him sound out his first words. It was a beautiful experience, watching them learn about the world around them. There were a few rough moments, but overall, it was wonderful to be able to see so much of them. Today was our last day of home school. We have made the decision to put all four boys in public school next year. It's definitely the right decision for our Ukrainian boys...and we feel strongly that it's the right decision for our whole family. The pressure and stress of this adoption has been a lot for me to bare. If it's been difficult on me, a grown up, I cannot imagine how it's felt to the four boys involved. We pray that giving them their own space in the world, away from the constant adjustment to our new family, will help the bonding process at home be less intense. It's just one change we've had to make. One of so many. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about how much easier and different it would be if we were still the family we were. But the joys of our triumphant days far outweigh any sadness that lies in our hearts as we learn to bend a little further. The pressure we are feeling now is surely from His hands- the potter, molding the clay. And taking a new shape can be exhausting. But in the end, we hope we look more like Him. About three weeks ago, we turned a corner in a big way. I feel like we're seeing glimmers of hope that this will feel like a real family for all involved one day. Walls are coming down...walls that obstructed the view of who we all really are. When we can truly see one another, it's so much easier to exist together and to learn how to love. It will surely be a long, winding road for us all, but four months into this thing and I feel like I am beginning to see the light. I pray that the flexibility we are committing to now will pay off big time in the lives of our boys down the road. I pray that we are all learning what real family is and that our boys are learning what a real father is. I pray that God will use this winding road to lead us all to our eternal home, encouraging others along the way. I pray for the strength to say good-bye to the family we were...and the weakness to become the family He wants us to be.

Family Tree

Our family tree has changed a little this year. I'm grateful for the new branches. Andrey drew this family tree as an assignment for school. He let me keep it in exchange for an apple. He loves apples. He would eat 10 a day, if we'd let him. He had already had his one apple for the day. But he's a smart boy and knows how to strike a deal. I still think I got the better end of that deal, but he was happy. The new family photo was taken on Easter in my in-laws home. Getting four boys to all smile (with no goofy faces) was quite a task. I'm grateful that my husband was up for the challenge. "Smile- or no allowance this week!" Say cheese!

Soccer Sons

Soccer season is in full swing! We're at the soccer field around 6 days a week, lately. I'm thankful there are opportunities for them to play. Soccer seems to be an international language. All four of our boys are playing!

Hinson Happiness

Tonight he is chattering. He is goofy and grinning. There seems to be a general feeling that has filled the house. I think they call it "happiness." It's not that there aren't moments like this often, but this "moment" seems to have lasted all day and I am so pleased. It makes all those unpleasant moments worth while. We see a glimpse of our dream- a united family. We are not fooled into thinking it's a permanent view, but we are grateful for the snapshot. We will hold it close to our hearts.

It's the little things like good-nights. You'd think it wouldn't be a big deal, but they have been reluctant to say good-night to us. We always say goodnight to one another in our family. I don't know if this was just a new experience for them or if they held back because they didn't want to belong. Maybe they were just too cool for school. But tonight, as Noah made the rounds- "Goodnight, Dad. Goodnight, Bubba. Goodnight, Mom..." I heard "Goodnight, Noah" come from the other side of the room...before he had even approached them.

Something else happened this week that I will forever treasure. They began to fight...in English. They didn't even realize they were doing it. After a few moments, I began to laugh. "Why you laugh, Mom?" I explained to them what they were doing and they just stared at me, almost in shock. They didn't realize they were doing it, either. Later that night, Ruslan told Josh that he has been thinking in English a little, too. We are determined for them to maintain their Russian and have no desire to strip them of their language, but learning our language is one way to "belong" here. It fills my heart to hear them expressing themselves and actually understand what they're saying!

Another snapshot from the week was watching Ruslan hoist Noah into the air, in a playful, loving way. The smiles and giggles on my seven year old baby's face were precious. It's been tough on my littlest guy- this adjustment. We pray everyday for bonding to occur. I love it when I see my prayers being answered right in front of my eyes.

Andrey and Ruslan have a precious relationship. I love watching them interact. I love being invited into that relationship on occasion. Andrey's personality is really coming into full view. While we thought we were adopting a quiet child, it turns out that he may be the most talkative of the bunch! Noah's Chickasaw name is Labaachi', which means "talks all the time". While Andrey was on one of his talking sprees, Ruslan pointed at him and called him "Labaachi' II". We were rolling!

It takes Levi and Andrey over an hour to get to sleep. We hear them talking through the living rooms walls. Instead of being angry, I am grateful. It takes Ruslan forever to go to his room. At bedtime, he is suddenly struck with the desire to talk endlessly to Mom and Dad. Instead of being mad, I am amused. It's difficult to be angry when your heart is so full. God is good. They are home, and tonight, they are happy. We're all happy.

Big Bad Day

About two weeks ago, we got a letter in the mail that our oldest had an appointment with USCIS to obtain his US citizenship certification. I was so excited! I told the boys we would not have school that day and we would celebrate! We made our plans and waited eagerly. In my mind, we were going to a court room with a kind judge who would smile kindly down at our new son and begin to recite an oath. Ruslan would raise his hand and repeat the oath through his thick, Ukrainian accent and the judge would pronounce him a US Citizen. Ruslan would be overjoyed at his new allegiance. He would pose proudly with the American flag. Perhaps a bald eagle would fly by a nearby window.
Ha!
Here's what REALLY happened.
"Get up! Get up now! We have to be there at 9 a.m.!"
"We might have time for breakfast on the road if you hurry up and get dressed!"
In the drive thru- "What do you mean you have to go to the bathroom? Didn't you go at home?" "No. I didn't need to go then." (my 7 yr old)
"No you can't have my iphone. Your brother has it...yes, I know he's had it forEVER. You can have it on the way back!"
"Hurry inside! We have 3 minutes!"
Musical chairs in the waiting area as one by one, all of our children began to pick on or be picked on by one another for the next hour...while we wait. "Look straight ahead of you. Count the tiles on the ceiling. Chew some gum. Day dream! Read a book!"
Then it happened. We were called to a window, where a man through glass explained what papers Ruslan had to sign, messed up, and apologized. No oath. No judge. No flag. No bald eagle. Wa wa wa
We made the boys (both of them) pose by the American flag in the waiting area. They refused to be serious. Then they refused to smile. Both our American boys were workin' my last nerve, too and I took off for the car like a mall walker.
Once I calmed down, I used google translate to say something like, "I am your mom now and I am proud of your accomplishment today. Moms take pictures when they are proud of their children."
They just looked at me.
Shattered dream?
Well, what was I thinking? They've been here all of 8 weeks. They're hardly over the culture shock, I'm sure! They don't love their new country like I do because it's their NEW country. It's not home yet. Just like they're getting used to our family, they're getting used to their new land. It's a big deal to me because I understand and appreciate the benefits of being an American citizen. It's a boring deal to them because it was a long time to wait in a boring room to sign a fancy piece of paper that they can't even read and understand.
Lesson learned.
Big day? Bad day? Big bad day.
BUT, it's one less paper we have to sign! Hooray! (confetti)