A Beautiful Thing

We have been together for a little more than six weeks now. Because we are a home school family, this means a literal six weeks. There have been only a few hours here or there for church/youth group activities that we have actually been apart. I understand the need for some families to place newly adopted kids in school right away, but I also feel that our crowded house insures that we are getting to know one another quickly, warts and all. On one side of the living room, you can hear my seven year old son subtracting (LOUDLY). On the other side, you can hear Andrey repeating his Rosetta Stone sentences, "What are you doing? I am reading a newspaper." In one bedroom, there is the muffled sound of Russian rap coming from Ruslan's headphones as he completes a worksheet. In another, there are the frustrated complaints of the eleven year old who needs TOTAL SILENCE and doesn't think that's too much to ask. Moments like these can be frustrating, but this is our family, living and breathing, learning about one another and figuring out how to coexist. It's a beautiful thing for this Mom to behold. And then there are the moments you dare not photograph, for fear they will stop doing what you wanted to capture on film- swinging together in the backyard, laughing at something only adolescent boys find funny, practically lying across one another on the couch or (my favorite) spontaneously hugging little brother Noah. These moments feel like little hugs from heaven.

Of course, in the middle of it all, I'm cooking, cleaning and washing the never-ending laundry. I love caring for my boys. There is nothing that gives me more pleasure than knowing their needs are met. I love that now it's not a new idea to Ruslan and Andrey. The first few weeks, they were volunteering to help me at every turn. (not that they don't have chores- because they do) But now, they recognize that some jobs are Mom's job. They don't stare anymore. They don't protest. They let me "mother" them.

In short, things are going very well. We have had our moments FOR SURE. There have been difficult days, but nothing we cannot overcome with the strength of God. Thanks for checking on us, praying for us and making the boys feel welcome in our community. We are making it one day at a time. God is forever faithful.

Hinson Happenings

Tomorrow, our family has been together for three weeks. In many ways, that feels like a short time and in a few ways, it feels like an eternity. The first few days were full of new things. Then things seemed to "normal" out and we got into a sort of routine, with home school and my studio starting back up. Every now and then, things pop up that are "new" again, and in a way that is refreshing. Mealtime is always interesting. Just like any kid, they both have likes and dislikes. Unfortunately, you can never tell when they are joking or not. "This is very bad." (as he pops one after the other in his mouth) And even though we American's LOVE our food, we are always reminded that they are not American-made and often miss the food of their home land. I have made borscht once already and plan to do it again soon. Ruslan cooked a meal for us, as well and has made Ukrainian salad at a few dinners, too. The boys both love to help in the kitchen, or at least to hang out in the kitchen while I'm cooking. When there's noise in the kitchen, they come meandering in and grab a stool. I love it, as it also leads to wonderful conversations. By the way, their English is coming along nicely. They are using Rosetta Stone, but surrounded by the language has been the best thing for them. They often ask one another to finish a thought when they cannot think of a word. And charades has become more than a game to us- more like a way of life!

The main reason I am continuing this blog is to inspire and inform other families going through this journey. However, it is not always appropriate to share details- who said what, etc. It is not in the best interest of the children. I will say, however vaguely, that we have encountered a few issues blending siblings. We knew going into this that it would be a difficult adjustment, particularly because we are blending out of birth order. So far, nothing catastrophic, but there have been tears and bruised egos. I find myself feeling empathetic in so many different directions. "Of course that hurts your feelings...on the other hand, in his culture, this is acceptable behavior." Communication, one on one, is crucial. I try to find moments in the day (and they usually occur naturally) when I can "check in" on each boy. My friend Karen once told me that when you have four kids, one of them will inevitably be unhappy each day. She was right. If it's not one kid, it's another! I find it difficult to accept this because of my personality, but I must say, being thrown into the deep end is forcing me to swim! It's amazing what the process of adoption did for my tolerance level and my patience! And thank goodness they are boys! They get mad and then they get over it!

Almost every night after dinner, Andrey asks, "Tonight family game?" We should really be featured on the next add for the Wii family game night. We have a tournament maybe 5 nights a week. It's something everyone enjoys. Something else they enjoy is going to the store. They lived in a nice sized city and were used to riding the bus and going wherever they pleased. Living in the country, we do not go into town each day, and they miss that. So trips to the store are exciting. They especially love the Doller stores. We introduced them to the concept of allowance. We tithe 10%, save 10% and spend the rest as we choose. They were eager to start saving and very willing to tithe. They also love keeping in touch with their friends back in Ukraine. While we limit skype to the weekends only, we are grateful for sites like Facebook which allow them to communicate with friends back home. I am also grateful that this allows them to communicate with new friends here in Ada. And thank God for google translate! Copy and paste is a great way to have a conversation online. They ARE making American friends. Our youth group and youth minister have been such a blessing! I've said it before about many other big events in life, but it really applies here- I do not know HOW you would adopt children of this age group without church family. They are such a support is so many, many ways! My family does not live here, but my husband's does and they have been a huge support, as well.

We are in the midst of making educational decisions for all four of our boys, so I would appreciate your prayers regarding that, as well. It is a challenge home schooling them, but it is even more of a challenge trying to get them into public school in little ol' Ada, Oklahoma. There is ZERO ESL support here. For now, we are looking at bettering their English and reevaluating public school options in the Fall.

Well, this tired Mama is signing off for now. I hope this update was informative- probably not inspiring. I'm too tired at the end of the day to remember many of those moments- but THEY ARE THERE. And my heart is always full when I go to sleep at night. God is faithful.

First Family Days

I will do my best to update the blog periodically as we adjust to life as a family. If it might be helpful to any families who choose this path, then I will try to make it a priority. The first thing I will say is that the airport can be an overwhelming experience before you even hit the baggage claim. We only had my husbands parents there and still the first sentence they said was, "Let's go." From the 9 1/2 hour flight to the longggg wait at passport control, they were exhausted. (not to mention their flight to London the night before and their exploration of the city) Then, to make the day longer, we had a 3 hour drive home to Ada. Still, I think it was better that we came directly home. They were glad to be done with travel all together. A night in a hotel would've just lengthened their trip.

I am grateful that meeting the dogs went well. Ruslan is not crazy about Brimley, but seems to have grown to like him. They both love Rocky. Pets can be a problem for some adopted children. I am grateful that our boys seem to like them. Andrey is especially attached to them. It's nice to see him interact with them. When English gets to be too much, he can speak to them in Russian and they don't look at him funny.

Our boys are unique because they did not spend all of their time in an orphanage. They lived in a transitional facility for some time and learned about chores and other responsibilities. Every time I begin to prepare a meal, they are both in the kitchen, eager to help. I understand from other adoptive families that this can be problematic. I am grateful that it's not for us. I have a chart with specific responsibilities for all four of our boys during the week. I showed it to them and they understood almost immediately.

We did manage to make it to church our first Sunday as a family of 6! We explained to the boys that they needed to be polite and say hello when people greeted them. You have to understand, it's not that they're rude, but it's very overwhelming being greeted by strangers in a language that you don't speak. They were very gracious to those who said hello. Worship was a bit much, though (imagine sitting for an hour, listening to singing and speaking that you cannot understand). So, it was fine that they decided to say hello to the youth group and then leave. Our youth minister told the boys that the youth group would play soccer that night. They were excited about that. Ruslan said, "I don't need translator. Soccer my translator!" And although I was hesitant to leave them, I wanted to follow their lead. They were okay being left, so we left them and went on to our home team. (small group) Two hours later, we show up, worried that maybe it's been too long, and they're having the time of their lives, playing soccer, showing off their skills. Two happy boys came home, laughing and joking all the way. I'm so thankful that they have begun the process of making American friends. It will help make their transition more smooth, for sure and it was good for our younger boys to have a break from the translation game we play all day long.

Because we home school, I gave our bio boys the day off of school Thursday and Friday. We will start back to school for them as usual tomorrow. And I have a five day plan for ESL this week for Ruslan and Andrey. We're going to start simple and see where they're at. When I told them we would start school tomorrow, Andrey said, "No school! No!" But I explained that learning English is important to communicate with the kids at church. They both agreed. We'll see how it goes.

So that's the update for now. We appreciate your continued prayers for the boys (all four of them) and us.

Just a Glimpse

Just a glimpse of our new family.
Many thoughts brewing, but no post for now.
Just enjoy the view...

Coming Home!

Praise God! They got their visas and they're coming home on Thursday! Please continue to pray for their safety and comfort as they travel. This will be the boys first flight ever. They will fly to London first, then Dallas the next day. Both experienced motion sickness on the bus. I'm hopeful that the airplane will not present similar challenges.
We are so ready to have them home and so grateful to God that it will be soon!

Halfway There...

Livin' on a prayer these days. Josh has had a very long day today. He picked up the court decree early this morning. Then he picked up the boys birth certificates. Then he checked Andrey out of the orphanage and Ruslan out of the technical school. There were some emotions to deal with, saying good-bye to the place of their birth. I am thankful that God provided him with the opportunity to parent them through this. What a blessing! Then they took a car to Donetsk and got their passports. He said it was a long day for the boys in the car. Well, now they're on a train for what feels like FOREVER. Praying for their "cabin fever." The train arrives in Kiev at 7 in the morning. Their appointment at the US embassy is at 8! Praying for Josh to have the ability to sleep on the train! If the US embassy is able to issue their visas on Tuesday, then they will leave for London on Wednesday. If they are not able to issue their visas that day, then we have a problem. The US embassy is closed Wed-the weekend due to a move in their location. So if that problem occurs, no flight home until next week. Praying for a speedy process and understanding US embassy employees. God is good. I have faith that they will be home in HIS time and that has proven to be way better than my time, so I will trust Him.

If they leave Wednesday, I am so excited for them to have one day in London to explore a little. They've never been out of Ukraine. I'm sure London will be very exciting for them! It was for our boys. Thank you for your support, concern and interest. We need your continued prayers for the process and for the changes which are about to occur in our family.

Is This Your Son?

While we were falling in love with our new sons in Ukraine, we were falling in love with this face, too. Meet Misha Dermelyov. Misha was born June 9, 1997. He was diagnosed with Hirschprung disease and had two surgeries within in the first year of his life. Because of these surgeries, he has a disability status, but you would never know it to look at him! Misha lived with his mother and two elder sisters until his mother died from a heart attack in 2009. He then lived with one of his sisters until she died from heart complications. His other sister has also passed away. In August 2010, Misha came to orphanage #1 in Mariupol. Tanya, the director of the TLC where Ruslan lives, has developed a relationship with Misha and has been given permission to bring him to the TLC on the weekends. He also attends church services with her.

Our focus in Mariupol was definitely bonding with Ruslan and Andrey. But Misha seemed to weasel his way into our hearts very quickly. He is very sociable. He came into our room as much, if not more, than the boys. He is always eager to help out, always has a smile on his face and is eager to learn new things. Our hearts just ache at the thought of what the future may NOT hold for this young man. He needs a family. There's a part of me that wishes that family was our family, but we don't even qualify for another child in our home (through international adoption). It became clear to me that there are a million Misha's in the world, but this was the one God had put in front of me. I could either choose to shake my head and walk away or I could be his voice.

Back when we began our adoption process, I wrote a song. The chorus said,
"I'm singing for those without a melody. I'm singing for those without a voice. I'm singing for those without a choice. Lord, let me sing!"

I sang that from the bottom of my heart many times. And now, knowing this young man, I am convinced that he is a direct answer to that request. "Lord, let me sing!" Adopting Ruslan and Andrey doesn't mean walking away from the fatherless. It means always remembering them.

If you find yourself staring at this face, wondering if God is calling you to your son, please contact me and I will do everything in my power to help you through the adoption process. It's an enormous headache with a million obstacles...and it's totally worth it!

If Misha is not your son, pray for him. Pray that God will give him a bright future, a family and a home. Pray for Tanya and the other staff members at the TLC in Mariupol who reach out to kids like Misha and introduce them to Jesus Christ. Please consider sponsoring kids like Misha at jeremiahshope.org. I've seen the way this ministry works. It's a beautiful thing.