Mother's Day: Plan Z

There are not enough white picket fences for every little girl who dreams of one day becoming a mother. That's always plan A. Never in the history of childhood fantasies has someones daughter dreamed of divorce, visitation or single motherhood. Never has a child abused her dolly or forgotten it even existed. There are no day dreams of drug or alcohol abuse, no imaginings of what it might be like to live in poverty or to be so completely wrapped up in her own pain that she would one day not even hear her baby cry. That's not even plan B. No one would choose to become "that" mother. And yet for millions of young women every where, that will be their reality. And unfortunately, that leaves millions of children born into Plan Z. Plan Z involves a mother who tried, maybe even died trying. Plan Z involves so much regret that the very word has lost it's meaning. It's a state of being that so completely shatters the lives in it's path that they don't even know it's NOT plan A. Good intentions were replaced with survival mechanisms. Dreams were killed by reality. Hope was crushed by despair. The world will often judge this mother. The world that was born into a very different reality will not understand how this woman could have taken such a turn. They will not see her sorrow. They will not feel the ache she feels each time she sees a newborn baby. They will shake their heads and say there is no excuse. They will walk away and not turn back. They will perhaps pray for her "lost" children, but they would never bow their heads in prayer for such a despicable excuse for a mother. Plan Z often involves another mother- a mother from a very different set of circumstances. This mother clings to hope. This mother dares to dream. This mother will be praised by many. She will often hear, "They're so lucky to have you for a mom." And she will know that this was not plan A. She will remember the woman the world will not pray for. She will see her smile in growing faces. She will wonder if the resemblance is strong. She will wish they could share a sofa and a nice cup of tea. This mother would love to tell "that" mother just what her babies are up to. She will never be able to understand the whys of it all, but she will be so grateful for the gift "that" mother gave. Every Mother's Day, there are children who feel a tug in their hearts, an ache in their bones, a glitch in their DNA. There will always be a shadow from plan A that casts over their lives. No matter how great plan Z might turn out, it will never be what should have been. This mother knows that. This mother cannot judge "that" mother. This mother can only cry for the little girl who once dreamed of plan A...who is now living in plan Z.